


to be worth the love of harry potter?

by misskozume



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bisexual Draco Malfoy, Bisexual Harry Potter, Dark Mark (Harry Potter), Death Eater Draco Malfoy, Death Eaters, Drarry, Good Draco Malfoy, Good Pansy Parkinson, Harry Potter is a Good Boyfriend, Hogwarts Sixth Year, Hurt/Comfort, Literal Sleeping Together, M/M, Oneshot, Sad Draco Malfoy, Self-Harm, Short Drabble, Suicide Attempt, draco has self loathing thoughts, dracos father is homophobic, good ending, lowercase writing, purposeful unprofessional typing, yes i do know "u" is stated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:42:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27703615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misskozume/pseuds/misskozume
Summary: short drabble/oneshot i originally wrote for the continuous plot of a discord roleplay ive done.draco malfoy is far from ever truly believing he really can stand a chance at merely being worthy enough to be known as, harry potter's boyfriend.the savior of the wizarding world himself with an ex death eater? shocking.and the everyday reminder from students hexing him there and there reminding him he'll never be deserving of harry's love for him.overcome with consistent self loathing thoughts and self harming tendencies that soon leads to much worse, it seems as though harrys attempt at helping his boyfriend succeeded somewhat.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Kudos: 32





	to be worth the love of harry potter?

draco could simply never imagine what he'd really do if he's ever to loose the love and undying affection he seems to undeservingly receive from harry.   
well really he could even say its the only thing actually keeping him here on this cruel terrible peice of floating ball of land that he's left with no choice but to call his home. 

but well of course it would be harry, the savior of the wizarding world merely here to stop him from bluntly offing himself the next moment he's given the chance. to have to stare at this dark mark embedded into his skin, to have been held down as it burned its way to the bone down and down forever into his left forearm, wouldn't you say it's an honor? to server the wizard that all will forever fear most, simply, lord voldèmort. 

to say draco never had a choice would merely be nothing more then a lie, because he did didn't he? to die or become a death eater, a follower of this oh so dark lord.   
well of course harry would have chosen to die instead due to the never ending griffindoor loyalty.   
yet draco was too much of a coward to die and now it seems thats all he's been longing for. 

its come to the countless amount of times draco has done whatever he may have come to thought was possible to removing the mark, soon coming to the conclusion dark magic simply cannot be removed as easily.   
yet it hasn't stopped him from attempting whatever he may wheather its, scratching till it bled its deep red, the so dearly worshiped pureblood. or in cliche, cutting through as much as he possibly seem to may as it bubbles and drips its way down his arm and falls in small pools onto the floor bellow,  
in a thick milky consistency yet   
_to cry over split milk?_

has definitely come to the, every night point of crying, definitely could never come to deny that yes the Slytherin prince such as himself could shed tears too.   
some of the days of being just so unmotivated he cant even cast himself a silencing charm, resulting in late night patterns of holding back as much as he can of his cries, that then began to sting his eyes, throat aching from the desperate need to try and keep silent.   
but yet of course, the other boys in his dorm were bound to find out, bound to hear it when just sometimes his body would give up on his so desperate want to hold in his reaching sobs.   
then finally comes to sometimes when he can successfully admit his silencing charm, letting go and freely being as loud as he wants. 

until one night the charms were tempered by a movement of harsh winds to his curtains of his bed dismissing the works of the charm, and of course if it was charmed, then it wasn't an easy night for him to handle.   
having been unknowing of the charms no longer working as they should, everyone seemed to stir awake from his _gasping for breath_ sobs admitting throughout the Slytherin boys dormitory. 

blaise being fully and well aware of his relationship with potter, and really being one of the only people besides pansy, because of course he'd trust them enough with it to not purposely go around spreading the word, he ran out of his bed to dracos side in attempt to comfort him, casting another silencing charm around the blondes bed and quickly making his way towards the griffindoor dorms to get harry. and yes having known the password from draco.

it was then the truth really came out as harry barged into dracos dorm and immediately rushed to the boy, once again having broken the silencing charm. he simply didn't think to care as he engulfed the blonde into his welcoming arms rocking them both back and forth and back and forth as harry moved himself backwards until he inevitably hit the wall of dracos bed, having harry cradle his boyfriend into his lap, his face buried into the crook of harrys neck, smelling sweet of honey. 

"your gonna be alright... ive got you, draco. let everything out, love"  
he whispered against dracos ear, squeezing him just a bit tighter then before.   
"i love you more then youd ever know... its gonna be okay"  
was soon till they had both fallen asleep.

wasn't until the next morning as draco made his way towards the great hall, word of him and harrys secret relationship having already gotten out around the school.   
_draco malfoy, former death eater, and harry potter, savior of the wizarding world, dating?_

wasn't long till a group of 6th year griffindoors decided to sting hex him over and over as they said the harshes of words. 

"how dare you death eater scum go anywhere near harry potter"  
"you putrid f*g, should have died in the war. having to seduce potter just to gain some sort of forgiveness."  
"seriously have the audacity to think he has the right to deserve any sort of affection from harry potter"

having already been one of the most hated in all of Hogwarts for what was said to be his past with the dark lord, at least it was some who still showed him some sort of kindness, only those whose actually known the truth behind it all. 

  
-

it was then just a few days of hell at Hogwarts later, when he mysteriously disappeared at school.   
the next day having returned as if the life and soul had been sucked from his eyes.   
soon to spread like wildfire that he had been given _crucio_ multiple times from his father from having heard he's been dating a boy this whole time.   
to the point of being given looks of pity from those he doesn't even know.

it was that night when he refused to talk to anyone, not harry even.   
he had locked himself away from everyone as he attempted to, _cut out as much as he possibly can of the mark, to almost completely cut it off in flesh_ but of course, _impossible_. 

taken to the hospital wing moments after he was discovered by harry, bleeding out on the floors of moaning myrtles bathroom, not too long till it was to go around as well that he had, _attempted a suicide, and failed_

harry from then on had refused to ever leave his side. 

-  
  
few days later when they had found themselves cuddled up together on dracos bed, harry having fallen asleep midway of his attempt to try and help draco again in his attempts of hexing himself. 

whispering a small "i love u"   
as his mahogany candle burned down on the side of his nightstand.   
"thank u"

___

was when draco had lost control in his words due to having relapsed after just finally recovering from his recent attempt. 

he felt utterly weak, disgusting, pathetic, like everything and all he's been working on and consistent promises to harry he'd never resort to selfharm again, it happened again. 

with the stress and self loathing thoughts eating at his head, then causing him to hurt all he believes to have left keeping him here and living. but of course, by commenting harshly on harrys parents. 

he knows better then to bring up the dead. everything he seems to do just dawns of him that he'll never amount to anything good. always and always here harming others, his own boyfriend with his reckless words. 

_"hell u probably cling on to me since you've never had parents of your own to cling on to huh. sensitive prick"_

but of course he couldn't mean it. he wouldn't, but it wasn't after more and more bashing to harry that he had stopped, realized that anymore words maybe he might just loose his only savior on this harsh world.

was till he really realized after pansy had scolded him for being so careless to harry when really all the brunette wanted was comfort from draco after he had, had a vivid night terror mainly on his parents, what draco bashed him for. 

all the harm all the shit he could never stop proceeding to endlessly do that brings him further down the mental health chart. 

it was that night when draco locked himself up in his dorm, forgetting even to cast any privacy spells, and self hexed himself till his breath was barley there hanging on merely by the small breaks of self pity. 

he placed his wand against his chest as he curled up in his bed silently sobbing praying the others in his the dorm would not, could not hear him. as a sickly green from the tip of his wand stung the depths of his body, almost like a baby crutacious. 

-

the next day was when harry was soon painfully informed of all the self-harming his boyfriend had done the night before, heard from blaise and pansy, due to the guilt of merely insulting harry. 

harry had dragged draco down to the slytherin dorms yet immediately after they had eaten dinner to fully speak of this to the blonde.

"draco." 

"draco look at me" malfoys eyes simply grazed down to his bed sheets in shame of not wanting to meet potters eyes. 

cupping ahold of dracos face harry gently lifted his head meeting his pained n watery delicate silver eyes that looked of they could just spill over in tears and tears any second. "hey baby..." he ran his lips across the blondes jaw planting a kiss. "parkison told me all that had happened. i know u didn't mean it." 

draco averted his eyes once more to the bed they both sat on. harry suddenly pulling draco onto his lap, burying his face amongst dracos neck peppering kisses there as well. 

"hey draco, listen to me alright?" he whispered engulfing draco in a tightened warm embrace, almost like the softest n gentle blanket. 

"i know u tried your very best and im so proud. i know what u said was out of proportion to what u ever would have meant, figuring u were in a dark place. so its alright, love." he slowly combed his fingers through his blonde hair, tracing it down to dracos back drawing small comforting circles with his fingers. 

he pulled away to look draco in the eyes yet again. cupping the sides of his jaws, almost to his neck even. 

"come to me please,, the next time you feel the urge to harm yourself. even if u think i may be upset with u. or even if we'd have gotten in a fight, please come to me." he stroked the slytherins cheekbones as he rested his forehead amongst the others. 

"promise me?" harry was assured with a tiny nod. 

"you are worth absolutely everything, darling. you deserve every ounce of affection. i love you, i love you to the ends of the galaxies draco lucius malfoy. dont u ever forget that." he whispered 

"my gorgeous perfect draco. merlin how did i find myself so lucky." the brunette then led to planting a kiss onto the side of his mouth. 

hot tears made its way from draco's eyes. spilling its way to harrys hands and down to their laps below. 

"i-i love- hhh... y-yo hh. im s-so sor- hhh" he struggled to say, through his sudden emerge of sobs and quiet hiccups. 

harry didn't hesitate to pull him into another embrace as his sobs racked against his neck, heaving. "i know... i know baby." 

-

after what seemed like hours he had calmed down in small sniffles and hicups then and there. they had switched their positions on the bed to where harry was laying on top draco nuzzling more and more into the crook of his neck as they just stayed there, drenching in the comfort of one another. 

they talked for a little after he was fully calmed down at more attempts to make sure draco would always feel reassured and deserving. well thats untill harry had fallen asleep, slurring his words till he erupted into a slumber. yet though, it helped greatly, it helped so much. 

thoughts like these terrorized draco since before they ever dated starting beginning of 3rd year.   
wouldn't expect much out of a some what abusive father whose dedicated dracos entire life basically to serve the dark lord and receive this mark he's oh so desperately tried to remove whether it was to scrape it off, consistent anxiety scratching or in a mere cliche of self harm, cutting

but obviously dark magic down to the bone wont remove something like this unless his whole arm was to be amputated, which not even draco would prolong to attempting.   
rather die both arms then live with one. 

\--

lost in his sudden trail of never ending thoughts of _draco deserves nothing and nothing at all!!_

turning into the thoughts of **_but harry loves me_**

_especially not the love of the famous wizardings world savior, imagine a former death eater with the chosen one. **but harry loves me.**_

harry slurred asleep edging closer to draco, causing the blonde to fully lay himself down Inglufed in a head full of pillows, with a so said brunette finding his sudden comfort against dracos neck, harry nuzzled in a bit more. 

the brunette boy smelled of honey and a burnlit candle almost out of wax. his soft hair flowed against draco as he inhaled his sweet scent of pastry shampoo. 

grabbing his wand a flailing a flick of his wrist draco closed up the curtens of his bed and casted a quiet silencing charm under his breathe. 

finally placing it down allowing himself to inbed in the comfort of his sleepy boyfriend, he grabbed ahold of his blankets and drenched them over the both of them.  
slowly wrapping his arms around harrys slim frame, inhaling his sweet scent yet again, he placed a soft kiss to his land of soft brown hair. 

draco pulled a sleeping harry closer and closer to him, feeling harrys warm breath against his neck.   
he whispered a small "i love u"   
as his mahogany candle burned down on the side of his nightstand.   
draping the both of them warm under his covers.   
"thank u"

**Author's Note:**

> ooo ooo thank u for reading my first ao3 drabble 😛 i usually write on wattpad or tend to drop any of my writing in my discord servers LMAOO i mean gee thats where i get my plots. 😧  
> alrigh g'bye <3


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